We Three Kings
by Imagination Live
Summary: Genesis wakes up in a strange tent in the middle of nowhere without any recollection as to how he got there. His friends are acting very strangely and he wouldn't ever expect Angeal to play a prank on him, just what the hell is going on? No pairings, no fluff, just a crackfic. Mild swearing and use of drugs. Slight AU. Rated K Plus to be safe.


A/N: I really don't want to offend anybody with this, it's just how I think Genesis and the rest of them would react if they were placed in as the three kings. This is supposed to be a christmas fanfic. If you read this you have to have an open mind if not, back out and go to a new fanfic.

Genesis groaned and looked around, he was in a tent, that was relatively normal, then he looked at his outfit "No! What have they done to me!?" His clothes were not his normal fashionable attire, they were robes, long flowing robes _Are you kidding me!? Who put me in this rag of a dress!? _He thought.

"What's wrong Genesis?"

Genesis looked over. It was Angeal, he was wearing long flowing robes as well but of a different color. "Angeal, what have you done to me!?"

"What are you talking about? We're going to see the king of kings, we've been traveling day and night guided by the star, to bring him silver, frankencinse, and myrrh."

"Are you on drugs!? There is no way you would play a prank on me!"

"Drugs? What are drugs?"

"Hurry up, we must see the king!" Sephiroth said as he opened the tent flap.

"Sephiroth! What did you drug him with!? What did you drug _me _with!?"

"What is he talking about?" Sephiroth asked Angeal.

"I don't know, he woke up in a daze wondering if I did something to him."

"Friend, are you feeling well?" Sephiroth asked concerned.

"Good goddess, your on something too!"

The other two gasped. "Something's wrong with him Angeal! He thinks he's worshiping a goddess!"

"He must be possesed by a demon! Friend, you must try to regain yourself. Sephiroth, call the priest!" Sephiroth hurried out of the tent. "Genesis, we worship the one true god!"

Sephiroth rushed back in with none other than Hojo. "I hear there's a demon that must be exorcised." He said.

"Good Goddess! Not Hojo!"

"Hmmm... It seems this is a very bad case of demonic possesion!"

"Father Hojo! Can you heal him?" Angeal asked worriedly.

"Don't worry friend, he can easily be cleansed." He reached in his white robe trimmed with gold lace and pulled out a giant needle in the shape of a cross. "Don't worry friend, this'll help you."

"Get that away from me!" he screeched.

"Father it seems to be getting worse!" Sephiroth said.

"Calm down my friend, the evil will leave him soon. Hold him."

Sephiroth and Angeal went to hold down Genesis. "No! I'll blast you with my strongest fire spell!" He checked his pockets, and checked for armor and his sword. "WHO STOLE MY MATERIA!? WHERE'S MY SWORD!? PUPPY!" realization hit him and he screeched so loudly and so shrill that glass broke and they had to cover their ears _**"WHO STOLE MY LOVELESS!?"**_

"Good lord!" Hojo said. "This is the worst case of possesion I've seen!"

Genesis practically foamed at the mouth "Who. Stole. My. Loveless!?" Genesis got up with vile seething anger radiating from his pores in waves. "I can forgive the prank. I can forgive the materia. I can forgive my sword. But nobody. _**NOBODY **_touches Loveless!" He hissed. He walked over to Hojo grabbing him by the collar and holding him to his face. "Where. Is. _Loveless_?"

"Wha-" Hojo gulped "What's Loveless?" He asked.

"Don't act like you don't know..." He warned. "My book, my precious, _precious _book, the book based on the play of the most tragic tale of love and death _in history_. The book that could make gods weep, the book that can make grown men cry, the book that makes waves crash and oceans roar with the mere mention of it's name, the book-!" Angeal came up from behind and knocked him out.

"Let's bring him to the newborn king, he can heal him just by his touch alone." he said.

"I agree, let's get going before the demon in him wakes up!" Sephiroth said.

And so they packed up and left guided by the star that would take them to the newborn king. They arrived at the manger and went inside just as Genesis opened his eyes. "Lady Andrea, sir Tseng, please help us, our dear friend Genesis has been possesed!" They gasped.

Genesis got up. "You've gotta be kidding, the secretary and the leader of the Turks are in on this as well?" He looked in the corner _Reno's dressed as a shepard! _he snickered. _And so is that infantryman. What was his name again? Oh, yeah Cadet Strife! Ha, they look dumb! _Then he remembered his clothes and frowned. _I'm not much better though._

"What are the Turks?" Tseng asked.

"Ha! Says the man who shot Veld!"

"What blasphemy!" Angeal said. "Don't speak of lies! We told you he was possesed by a demon! Please let him be touched by the child king! Even Father Hojo couldn't remove the demon! I believe it to be extremely powerful!"

"Whatever! Now what _I _want is for you to stop this charade, to give me my materia, my sword, my clothes, and for sanitys sake Loveless! Oh and by the way I'd expect this from all of you." He said pointing to everyone except Angeal "But not _you_!" He pointed to Angeal "Where are your honor and dreams, Angeal?" He said mockingly. Everyone looked scared and confused thinking they were in the room of a demon. He heard a baby gurgle from the crib and went to peek over. What he saw shocked ten years out of him. "Is that the puppy!?" He asked jumping back. "Where the hell did you find the materia to pull that shit off!?"

"What is materia?" Reno asked.

"You couldn't go a day without them! Like that time you and cadet strife over there stole that Ifirit materia from Rufus's office!"

"Cadet?" Cloud asked.

"Please let's have him touch the child king!" Hojo cried.

"What!? Zack's the king!? Pfft!" He started clutching his sides laughing, then rolling on the floor, hitting his fist on the straw.

"He mocks the lord! Good baby Zack please extract this demon from our good friend Genesis!" Hojo yelled lifting his hands to the ceiling. Lightning was heard outside and a lightining bolt came down from the sky onto baby Zack energizing him and making him grow to an adult, with elegant robes.

"What the hell is going on!?" Genesis yelled as Zack reached out and touched him. Suddenly all he could see was chocobos then they all ran away into the darkness.

He woke up on his couch in the Shinra building with three empty bottles of SOLDIER strength Vodka, PCP, a large amount of pot and resin, and his precious Loveless beside him. Suddenly Zack burst in yelling "Genesis, Genesis, where are you?" Genesis screamed in response.

Then muttered "It was only a dream, it was only a dream..."

"What's wrong?" Zack asked.

"Zack." He said rolling to his back and looking up at the ceiling "Remember this advice; drugs and alcohol don't mix, and if you want your body preserved, don't come in like that again..."


End file.
